Yoked Together in Christ: Couples Discover the Beauty of Nuptial Charity at Benedictine College

Twenty-five couples from across the region gathered on October 18, 2025, at Benedictine College for a daylong retreat titled Yoked Together in Christ, hosted by the college’s Center for Family Life. Led by Fr. Stefan Zarnay, DCJM, the retreat invited married couples to rediscover the gift of their vocation through a deeper understanding of what the Church calls nuptial charity—the love between husband and wife that mirrors Christ’s faithful love for His Church.

The day opened with Scripture and prayer. Fr. Zarnay began by reading from St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians: “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.” From this passage, he drew the theme of the entire retreat: that Christian marriage is not a mere partnership of convenience but a spiritual communion rooted in sacrifice, humility, and joy.

“You are a light for us,” he told the couples. “A light of the faithfulness of Christ being faithful to us.”

The Meaning of the Yoke

The retreat’s title, Yoked Together in Christ, served as a vivid image throughout the day. Fr. Zarnay explained that the word “yoke,” though rarely used in modern life, beautifully captures the essence of marriage. “It is not as romantic as it seems,” he said with a smile. A yoke is “ a beautiful piece of wood, which can be very aesthetic, but its origin is very simple. It puts two animals together so that they can work together.” Yet, he reminded the participants that Jesus Himself used this image when He said, ‘Take my yoke upon you… for my yoke is easy and my burden light.’

Later in the day, Fr. Zarnay explored how the love between the spouses mirrors and participates in the love of Christ for the Church. “Spouses love themselves by the same love of Christ. . . The gift of self through the body reflects the same bodily love of Christ on the cross.” This shared bond of marriage, he explained, is proper to the married couple. It cannot be shared between others outside of the bond of marriage. Ultimately it is being “yoked together” that allows for this special relationship between spouses that reflects Christ’s love for the Church.

Christ the Bridegroom

In one of the retreat’s most moving reflections, Fr. Zarnay reminded the couples that Christ reveals Himself in Scripture not as a solitary figure but as a Bridegroom. “Christ is not a bachelor,” he said. “He is a bridegroom, and his heart is full of the Father and full of the Church.” The union of husband and wife, then, is more than a social contract; it is a participation in the divine mystery of Christ’s love.

Quoting St. John Paul II, whose theology of the body inspired much of his teaching, Fr. Zarnay described marriage as a sacrament where the gift of oneself becomes the path to holiness. Through fidelity, patience, and forgiveness, he said, spouses become icons of God’s own love—creative, faithful, and fruitful.

Love as Gift

Throughout his talks, Fr. Zarnay returned often to a simple but profound truth: marriage is first and foremost a gift. Drawing from St. Thomas Aquinas, he defined love as to will the good of the other. “Love begins as a passion—something that happens to us,” he said, “but it must mature into an act of the will.” True love, he explained, is not merely emotion but choice—a decision to seek the good of one’s spouse in all things.

Fr. Zarnay invited the couples to see their differences not as obstacles but as gifts. “Men and women love and desire in different ways,” he said, echoing the insights of philosophers Edith Stein and Julián Marías. “Masculinity and femininity are not problems to solve but gifts to receive. Without woman, man would remain static. Without man, woman would have no one to move.” Laughter filled the room as couples nodded in recognition.

Friendship at the Heart of Marriage

Another central theme of the retreat was friendship. “Marriage,” Fr. Zarnay said, “is the greatest possible friendship.” Quoting St. Thomas, he noted that this friendship is more enduring than any other because it embraces every aspect of life—body, soul, and spirit. Spouses share not only a home but a vocation: to help one another reach heaven.

Still, Fr. Zarnay acknowledged that many couples experience tension or emotional distance. “There are marriages that live together but feel disconnected,” he said. “The goal of this retreat is not to pretend such struggles don’t exist but to rediscover the path back to friendship.” Through conversation, prayer, and shared experience, couples were invited to rekindle intimacy and joy.

Renewed for Mission

The day concluded with Mass. Couples prayed together before the Blessed Sacrament, asking Christ to deepen their charity and strengthen their unity. Many remarked that the experience helped them see their vocation anew—not as an individual pursuit of happiness but as a shared mission of holiness.

The Yoked Together in Christ retreat was the latest installment of the Benedictine College Center for Family Life’s annual nuptial charity retreats, which support married couples through formation, community, and prayer. The Center seeks to strengthen families as “domestic churches”—places where faith and love are lived daily.

For more information about upcoming retreats and resources for married life, visit benedictine.edu/FamilyLife.

By Paul Burghart