Why College Students Aren’t Dating Anymore

College students and teenagers are not dating anymore. The statistics are pretty clear about that.  

David Brooks, the New York Times columnist, noted that we are “living through the great detachment”, that “the share of 12th graders who said they have dated fell from about 85%tin the 1980s to less than 50% in the early 2020s.” 

Oof. That’s not good.  

The dating deficit has grown so bad that a Stanford student built a dating app to pair kids on campus. Hold up. Why do some of the smartest kids in the country need an app to date when you have a college campus?  

College campuses are built for dating. A bunch of young single people with coffee shops, bars, and outside space aplenty and a plethora of free time — this should be the easiest time to date. But apparently not so for the “geniuses at Stanford” who it seems can memorize intense formulas, but can’t figure out how to talk to a girl.  

“Students are always talking about who they want to be matched with, who they’re matched with, who their friends are matched with,” said Ben Rosenfeld, a Stanford senior majoring in data science. 

 Here’s a novel idea: If you know who you want to be matched with … ask them out. Crazy, right? While the answer seems simple, the problem runs deeper — a whole lot deeper.  

First, there’s the anxiety about dating so many young people have. Blame social media creating a pressure—cooker environment for dating. Social media is filled with videos and photos of happy couples, showing the sign of success, giving the impression that if you break up, you fail.  

Everybody has social media, thus everyone is uber concerned about their image and are afraid about what happens if they would break up — how would friends respond to taking down posts with her in it, will the other party say something bad about me online? How will a relationship affect my image? 

Then, blame the helicopter parents of today who tell their kids they have to be perfect, including finding the perfect partner. Dating may not work out; it likely will not work out. Young people are anxious about investing in something that might fail. They are anxious about risk. Anxious about disappointing social media, of letting those helicopter parents down.  

Then there is the commitment crisis. Young people are afraid of commitment. They fear saying yes, of investing in somebody other than themselves.  

Just look at the proliferation of pornography and recently, “AI relationships”. It’s the easiest way to receive a (false) sense of intimacy and a dopamine hit, it is right at your fingertips. You have no responsibility. There’s no risk, there is no fear.  

College kids are indecisive — about everything. There are so many options and the world says everyone is important. Especially dating — you can only ask one girl out, that’s not light decision. Follow your heart, trust your gut, take a leap of faith. But clearly young people want to date if that Stanford experiment has been successful. So why aren’t guys asking girls out?  

The same two factors apply — high anxiety and low commitment. Asking somebody out can be scary — what if that person says no, rejection hurts. The person could respond poorly, that’s an awkward situation — who wouldn’t be anxious about that.  

Then comes the commitment of developing a friendship with somebody to ask them out. That takes time and effort when one could be doing so many other things. Wouldn’t it just be easier to test your luck and see if the AI bots pair you with that girl you think is cute?  

If you don’t pair, well then too bad, nothing you can do about it, the AI bots have made the decision for you.  Wrong. Ask her out, what’s the worst that can happen? She says no? At least you shot your shot.  Bots already control too much of the world, why are we letting them control our dating habits? Why can’t we just be human again and ask people on dates.  

Go to a bar, buy a girl a drink. Ask somebody to grab coffee. Don’t trust the robots, that never works. Just take a leap of faith and ask them out.  

It’s just a date; it really isn’t that deep. 

By Jack Figge